Has Grigory Efimovich Rasputin Returned?

Background

It is well known that on the fateful day of the 16th of December 1916 (Julian), Grigory Efimovich Rasputin, close friend and advisor to Alexandra Fyodorovna, tsarina of Russia, was brutally murdered. The historical details point to the murder being committed by Prince Felix Yusupov, V. M. Purishkevich and Grand Duke Dmitry Pavlovich. However, the exact roles that were played out on the eventful night will never be known.

Rasputin however, didn't die easily. First, he resisted being poisoned with Cyanide, then he was shot at close range. Left for dead, he recovered, and attempted escape. He was then shot repeatedly, and, in a what was probably a fit of rage on the part of Felix, beaten savagely about the head with a dumb-bell handle. Rasputin was then bound, driven to the Malaya Nevka river and thrown in through a hole in the ice. It is in these freezing waters that Rasputin met his demise - when the body was recovered it became clear that even by the time he was thrown into the water, Rasputin was not dead, but still alive and was desperately attempting to free himself from his bonds and escape. The body was finally recovered from the river by the Great Petrovsky Bridge.

During the autopsy on the 20th December, Rasputin's heart was removed, and was stored at the Academy of Military Medicine until its mysterious disappearance during the 1930's.

The rest of the body was buried the next day. However, the grave was later reopened and the body removed. It was taken from Tsarskoe Selo to Petrograd, then again out onto the Vyborg highway in order for a secret burial, but the car  became stuck, and so the the body was incinerated on a hastily created pyre at the side of the road. The ashes were scattered.

The Plot

Is it true that Rasputin is really dead? One would believe that even a man as holy and spiritually powerful as Rasputin was, in the end, a mortal man of flesh and blood upon this earth.

But does the story end there? Recently, photographic evidence has been obtained showing that Rasputin still lives! How can this have come about? There is only one possible explanation that can be drawn - Rasputin has been reincarnated, and walks again!

The Evidence

The evidence is shocking. Not only has Rasputin been sighted, but by an analysis of the work of his new host, we can reinterpret his former life, and deduce that Rasputin is in fact living backwards in time! Consider this rare photograph of a secret Russian military project, recorded only by its code-name "rfc1149"

Little is known about project rfc1149, but this picture, purportedly taken at a secret research station in Scandinavia, remains. It appears that two of the researchers have been obscured as an issue of secrecy. Little documentary evidence is available, but from the remaining meeting notes, these fragments stand out:

"It bit me! CAT5 doesn't do that!"
"What's that on your shoe?"
"WATCH OUT FOR THE PACKET-FILTER!"

These comments surely would not be understandable in their day, but now we can reevaluate them: CAT5 can only be a reference to the networking cable, but the packet-filter is unclear. However, it seems to have been a warning. Perhaps some packets should never be filtered.

A photograph taken in the chambers of Prime Minister Stolypin in 1910. Stolypin is reputed to have written in his secret diary of "Rasputin's strange preoccupation with a small device he carried with him". This device, which is clearly visible in the picture can be nothing other than a 35mm camera! Further proof is provided by Stolypin himself: "... he kept pointing it at me and attempting to persuade me to say 'Cheese'. I refused of course." Later Stolypin records these words, which he would have been wise to heed: "His final words keeps coming back to me - 'It'll all be over before the fat lady sings.'" Clearly Rasputin had foreseen the assassination attempt at the opera!

 

This picture is taken after the attempt on his life by Khionia Guseva. Although able to sit up in bed he is clearly weakened and drawn. Why was Guseva driven to attempt to kill Rasputin? After extensive research, the answer can finally be revealed. "Khionia Guseva" is in fact a clever pseudonym - it is an anagram of  "Iguana Ski Hove". Obviously this attempted murder must be related to the secret rfc1149 project. We can now see that if rfc1159 was related to communication systems (cf the CAT5 reference), then this must have been an attempt to modify the system to use skiing iguanas as a transport medium. This would obviously make sense in this cold climate. We can only guess how different our world would be today if russia had developed skiing iguana communication technology...

The Second Vessel?